Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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