god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Best friends brother. Beat that.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
