She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
