THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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