I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
