We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Operation Purity has been aborted
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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