You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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