About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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