Well douche your snatch and let's go!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
