Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
