I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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