Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize