She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
