Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
