This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
