So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
