Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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