is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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