i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I would ride that face into the sunset
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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