you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
