Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize