Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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