I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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