My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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