remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
