he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
