I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
