If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
