Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
