Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
