I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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