Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
