JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
