nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
