sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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