I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
