it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
