Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
