I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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