Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
