Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
