no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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