they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
