It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
