Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
