i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
where are my eyebrows?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
