you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
