I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have fence marks all over my body
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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