Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
