I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
